Don't use golf clubs for conferences

1. budget rooms constructed of cheap materials

2. my first sleep in a hard bed under an army blanket since I was in the Church Lads Brigade as a teenager

3. lousy internet access – a weak GPRS signal in my room and wifi that didn’t work in the conference centre

4. inedible food – my steak on Wednesday evening tasted “off” and the monkfish served at Thursday’s dinner was tasteless, overcooked and awful – in fact I would recommend this place for a weight-loss programme

5. teenage catering staff who didn’t give a damn and had no customer service training

The visit was saved by the welcome from my hosts, by the fun I had with the delegates and by the excellent customer service of some of the more mature staff. I had planned to stay over Friday night to avoid traffic – but I was so keen to escape that I pulled out of the gates cheering at 4.30pm – and tolerated a 7.5 hour drive “just to get away”.