How to lose the moral high ground in three words

In my home village of Hartford, Cheshire we have a Co-op store that never seems to close and is always busy.

As a result, there are regular visitations outside the door by a large delivery truck bringing much needed supplies.

Whenever the delivery truck is due, the shop assistants rush outside to place cones on the road, preventing parking and leaving a space for the truck driver.

A few days ago, we were walking the dog past the store and Annie popped in for something.

I stood outside and watched a white van driver pull off the road, through the cones, and park on the pavement outside the store. The context being that there is a free public car park directly opposite and plenty of additional roadside park before and after the store on both sides of the road.

As the white van pulled on to the pavement, the delivery truck arrived, pulling in and blocking the white van driver's exit.

I was fascinated by this - as the delivery truck arrived, the white van driver was exiting the store, with the intention of continuing his journey and looked, with clear horror, at his predicament.

Ever the observer of human nature, I stood there with the dog, waiting to see how this would pan out.

The white van driver was clearly "in the wrong" - shouldn't have pulled up on to the pavement (obstructing pedestrians) - and so any audience would naturally jump to the conclusion that he was getting his just deserts.

Dynamic - white van driver - the villain.

Then the truck driver dropped down out of his cab, walked around the front of the truck and over to the white van driver and uttered the immortal words:

"Good morning dickhead."

The white van driver was clearly taken aback by this opening salvo and responded with:

"I know I'm in the wrong here but there is no need to speak to me like that."

And, of course, he was absolutely correct.

Dynamic - truck driver - the villain.

As Annie emerged from the store and we continued our morning dog walk, I was a little disappointed not to be able to see how this all panned out - but it was very clear that our white van driver was going to be made to sit and wait for as long as the truck driver decided.

However, the phrase "good morning dickhead" has been rattling around in my mind for the last few days, simply as an extreme and yet classic example of how poor communication skills can change the dynamic in any situation, and so quickly.

There is never any excuse for aggression and equally none for using language that intimidates another person. Karpman would have described this as "Persecutor".

There is seldom a day in which we are not obliged to communicate with others, and we have to follow the "three-second rule" and think before we speak.

If you ever use intimidating language - you lose the moral high ground.

If anyone ever uses intimidating language with you - you are entitled to call them out.

I sometimes find myself giving this advice to dental team members who report aggressive language from patients or colleagues - and suggest the following response.

"I'm finding what you have said, and the way you are communicating with me, to be intimidating - was that your intention?"